Raya 2010

well,its Raya.. and this year's Raya really sucks. the suckest Raya that i've ever had. i didnt manage to feel even a pinch of joy at all.. Why? cause my family's not. that only includes my dad,my sis,and me. the first day of Raya,and the first person who got sad,was my dad. he was damn broke. of all the other passed Raya,my family is the most"Bergaya" ones.We used to be the most wealthy family among the others. My dad used to buy loads of foods and other stuffs back to Opah. He also used to buy lots of firecrackers for my fellow lil cousins.. and he gave the most amount of "Duit Raya" money. my lil cousins will always be excited to "Beraya" with my dad which they call him "Pak Lang". and we are the only Town Living Family.. so we're like the most modern ones..
But sadly,those good memories of mine has just fade away into thin air this year.. everything turns bad. really bad. At first we even thought that we aint going back to Kampung this year because the only car that my father has left is a old Blue Saga Aeroback. and its already as old as it seems. My dad didn't gave up that easily.. to him,his family is like everything to him in the whole wide world. although he was already so broke at that time,yet he borrowed some cash from a friend to repair the car and still go back to Kampung for Raya.. During the first day of Raya,i can only see sadness in His eyes..
Its the first Raya that he didn't get to spend anything. He only bought himself a shaver for this year's Raya. we've got nothing...
And when the most favourite time of Raya for kids came,its was "Beraya" time.. and the lil kids were like everywhere searching for their uncles and aunties to collect their "Duit Raya".. and there sat my dad on a Rotan made chair. i can see him see his nieces and nephews were so happy collecting their "Duit Raya" but when they turned and looked at him,he can only look down like he wasn't watching... he was so down and so sad that he cant give his beloved nieces and nephews their "Duit Raya". and none of them even came and "Salam" him.. i felt for him so deeply at that time.. i went and sat next to him.. but i just didnt know what to say.. its kinda hard for me to start a MAN conversation with my dad.. But and then one of my elder cousin,Fahimin came and "Salam" him. after that he was just busy doing something else.. i just kneeled down and called my sis, : "hey girll!! we tak beraya with daddy lagi!". my lil sis came and kneeled after me.. i "Salam" my dad and hugged him.. and i knew,that there were tears in my dad's eyes..i was just too ego to have tears in mine... i had so many sins throughout this year.. throughout,my whole life.. but not once,i can just really change and make my dad happy...i felt like such a useless son to him on that day..
Not long after that,my dad,Fahimin and i went to my late "Atuk"'s graveyard.. usually we are the only ones who go and pay our respects every year.. i just dont understand why the others doesn't.. Zzzzzz.... When we arrived at Atuk's grave,me n Fahimin will use to pluck grasses and other staff around Atuk's grave to make it look neater and nicer.. since that none of us knows how to read the Yassin,we will just sit there around Atuk's tomb and say whatever we want to say to him in our hearts.. and my dad will always be the longest one... and i tell myself,i'll be like him when the day comes... i'm his only son.. and i'll always be there for him although when his not with me anymore..
Day third of Raya,we were already prepared to come back to KL..and i told my self on the journey,that may this Raya be the first and last Raya Memory that i have... I've had enough seeing my dad so embarresed of himself,dissapointed and sad to himself......no matter what he is,i'll always Love him with all my heart.....


Currently Listening To Musafir Di Hari Raya by S.Jibeng