Holding the hand that was once mine .

I loved , i suffered , i was weak once , it helps me to become stronger and i was thankful for that .

But fate , is fate . No one and nothing can do anything about it .

We haven't been talking to each other for seasons .. My egos and negative thoughts were controlling every inch of me . I tried to ignore , i tried to hate , i tried to flirt , i tried thousands of ways just to keep myself strong . And i made it ..

I was yet , becoming stronger in a totally wrong way . I became stronger by putting too much of egos and negative doings . I was beginning to accept that she's not mine . And i don't even want to know who the hell is she . Honestly .

I wasn't even bother about what's going on with her . I'd stopped every ways of contact with her. I didn't even wish her on her Birthday .

I was so filled up with hate , and egoism . This happened and existed in me for quiet a long time .

One night , i was in need of a person to talk to . Spontaneously , i chose to call her .I shared my matters with her regarding of another girl that i was into at that moment . She was surprised that i called , but she listened . To every word that i say .. She even gave me advices , positivity , and made me felt stronger . I couldn't really understand why did i chose to talk to her . After so many nights of full moons i havent spoken to her . Why at that time , i had to call her ?

On that night onwards , we started contacting each other although not too often , but i'm thankful that i'm accepting her back in my life .. As a friend ..

Whenever i'm with the person that i'm into at that moment , i'll still think of her .

I don't understand why . It's like , i missed her . Too much . But didn't admit so .

Everything was fine till after a not-so long period of time , we both seems to miss each other so much that made us text each other a lil about the past and admited that we do miss each other . I've made a promise to her at that time she demanded for . And at that time , i was confused but in the same time happy . I felt to be cared , loved and appreciated again . What she texted me , the way she texted me , she gave me the spirit to live , she makes me feel happy , and it gave me Hope .

Rite after , we weren't actually becoming what i was hoping for . She doesn't contact me much after that so did i . I was starting to feel suspicious . I started feeling a lil weird and also curious . Of what exactly she wants ? She's now single . So why can't like , .. Maybe she get close to me . But that was what i just thought about in the first place . After a while , i just tried to ignore .

We'd never kept in touch with each other much , she has her life and i had mine .

I was just still accepting that she's not mine . And at that time too , i had my own existing personal life .

But as days flew by , i was slowly feeling what i felt before for her . I begun to felt love again . And i was afraid . I just tried not to think of her much . But nothing can stops what our hearts feels rite ?

And each day of us being friends , it just makes me misses her more . All the memories i've had and shared with her slowly kept coming back to my mind . Those sweet memories ..

Till the day i got to know that she was actually close to another person and she was also interested in him . At that time , i didn't even know how i felt . But what i'm sure of is that what i hoped for or thought of was yet , just a dream .

I tried playing cool .. But only god knows how i felt . I just kept it to myself .

And slowly trying to accept it for the second time .

Came a day , .........

We held hands , we hugged . Just so she says she misses me . So do i ..

I felt the warmness of her hug , i felt to be loved , cared , appreciated , again .

I feel different when i'm with her . I just do . I just felt , everything was just Perfect .

Everything became so perfectly sweet to me . I started to care , and love her again the same way i did .. That i wanted to be back to her and to prove that i've changed ..

The promise that we made earlier , i've done it .

But it all turned out wrong . I shouldn't have those kinds of feelings towards her .. Cause in the end , it hurts me in return ..

All i ever wanted for her since the day we separated , was for her to be happy and for a chance for her to choose her decision of happiness .

She misses me the same way like i do , But she doesn't feel what i'm feeling for her . She just misses me . That's all .

I was trying to accept that she is not in to me anymore , and that she likes another person .

But in the same time it also triggers my mind why don't i deserve a second chance ?

I was confused .. Of what exactly i'm feeling actually . I loved her once , i forgotten about her once , and i loved her once again exactly the same way .

Life isn't complete without her . No one , can ever be like her . No one , can ever be perfectly better . And No one , will be able to replace her . She's special . That's all i can say .

What i can do now is just to pray to God . That she'll be happy . And for me to be strong . I just cant accept what i'm going through again for the second time . I just can't go through it again .

I have to be strong , I just have to .

For her to be happy , i'll just have to let her go again although its hard . How i wish that she can be with me .. But i guess , that's just a dream .. For now , i just dont know what will be , but what i can do is , to pray that she'll make the rite decision and not getting hurt anymore . I just can't see her being hurt anymore . I pray that i'll be stronger and can accept things the way it is .

Amin .

Currently Listening to Love Comes Again by DJ Tiesto